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(no subject) [Nov. 16th, 2009|11:06 pm]
[Current Mood |nostalgicnostalgic]

birthday wishes:

a sense of community
bursts of creativity
a violin that magically fixes itself and a viola that magically appears next to it
singin in a band
playin in a band
success in school
a boyfriend to go camping with
a girlfriend to have sex with
a glance into the future
instantaneous fluency on the uke
new york city
acceptance of the constantly changing ground i stand on
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(no subject) [Oct. 5th, 2009|11:02 am]
Forget everything I said about Roman Polanski. This isn't even about his victim making a public dismissal anymore. Yes, the judge was an asshole and acted really unethically, but what it comes down to is that he FLED for thirty years. I'm not sure if that allows him to be protected from judgement. It has also just come to my attention that when in France, he was caught sodomizing 15 year old girls.
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(no subject) [Sep. 28th, 2009|06:49 pm]
[Current Mood |annoyedcome on]

Roman Polanski: US, you are retarded. Do we not have better things to do? The matter has been defunct for longer than I've been alive. The judge is long dead. The documentary has been made. Homegirl gave him a public apology. No, we have to prove our point. The French are amoral! Everyone must know! Oh, puke.
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(no subject) [Aug. 11th, 2009|07:24 pm]
[Current Mood |anxiousanxious]

I'm thinking of writing a book. My brother is writing one, and this makes me want to spring into action, because historically, Haykinsons don't complete extracurricular projects. Oh wait, except for my brother. Still. It's going to be an autobiographical fiction, but that's all I can say, because the more you talk about something that you haven't created yet, the more pressure there is to create it exactly so, when the truth is, tomorrow it might be a dark comedy.

I'm thinking of writing a book because all else in my life is so uncertain, so I might as well throw some more uncertainty into the mix, except that it will be of my own doing, and completely under my control. Control feels good in times like these when one does not have a job or the slightest prospect of one. There is also much self-created stress in my life, because I'm afraid to let go of some deep unhappiness, which is always my Way. To be less harsh, it's most people's Way.
I've been doing more reading than usual, which is a joy of unemployment, and it's been great. If you have the means, I highly recommend it. Please read Hard Boiled Wonderland And the End of the World and Everything Is Illuminated.
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(no subject) [Jul. 28th, 2009|12:41 pm]
oh, right, so. i went to europe: http://www.flickr.com/photos/lolagoo/
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tomorrow's flight [Jul. 8th, 2009|04:26 am]
it is such a shame to throw out my good amsterdam pot.
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why i'm leaving europe [Jul. 6th, 2009|07:04 am]
#1 I'm running out of money.
#2 I am not one of those people who handles change well. Therefore, when my WWOOF situation fell apart, I was unable to shrug it off find a way to book sold out trains, sleep on people's couches, and travel with no plan, and no money.

The WWOOF thing fell apart partly because I romanticized it and didn't ask the right questions, like specifically how many hours I would be expected to work. Instead, I relied on what was written on the WWOOF website and hearsay from friends who had done it. If I had known I was to work 50 hours a week, I obviously wouldn't have done it. I also blame my host family for completely misleading volunteers. Their description of themselves on WWOOF and their website lead one to believe that there is waaaay more free time than there actually was. The website never mentioned that I wouldn't be living where I was working, that my home was 45 minutes away by bike to my work, or that my day off would be non-consecutive. Or that I wouldn't have a place to put my clothes, or a closing door. Etc.
What makes me most mad is how they are exploiting the Bulgarians. The Bulgarians are three immigrants who want to live in the Netherlands permanently. Two are a couple. They are not volunteers, yet they get paid 600/month between the three of them, and are therefore forced to live in the house (and subjected to after-hours toilet scrubbing/dish washing) because they obviously can't get the money together for a security deposit on an apartment in Amsterdam. This - is bullshit. But, I guess they have six more months of this crap before they get legal status and are able to work somewhere else. Poor peeps.

Thank god for Caroline. She's a fellow volunteer from CA who got swept up like I did, and immediately regretted her decision. She ended up leaving a few days earlier than I did, and went to Wimbledon. Luckily, I escaped and stayed in Amsterdam for a while, that plus Paris in the beginning of my trip are the best memories I will have.
Holland is quite beautiful though. It's fuckin flat, seeing as it's below sea level. I've never seen so much flatness in my life, because I've never been to Kansas or anywhere. And it's GREEN. And there's so many COWS. Car dealership on the left, 10 lazy cows on the right. But I think what I loved best about you, Holland, is your woods. I haven't seen untouched woods like yours since Russia. And I biked through them, though I was all kinds of surly because at 7am the last thing you want to do is bike 4 miles.
I was also really appreciative of the biking culture. It didn't matter how old you were or how fancy you looked; you rode a bike, and you got right of way in all of Holland. Train stations are a veritable forest of parked bikes...from far away they look like thousands of glittering insect exoskeletons, quite eery. I may have been the only person who walked anywhere.
I must say, the women in Holland are beautiful. I don't mean Los Angeles beautiful, all made up and fashionable and tan. They are my kind of beautiful, and I don't know how to describe it to you. They weren't Dutch milkmaids, who I'm not that into, they were European paintings. Not to be outdone, French women have their own brand of beauty, but I think I fell in love every day in Holland. There goes my wife....oh, she's with someone else.

I want to come home, because my current situation is a lot of waiting around. My mom's former friend (I mean former because my mom's dead, not because they had a falling out) lives about 30 minutes outside of Nantes, like Topanga to us, but this is the French countryside, baybee! It's unbelievably beautiful. Unfortunately, I can't go into the city by myself because there are no buses out here, and I don't drive stickshift (no automatics in France), not that they even have a car to lend me. So...I'm kinda dependent on her, and they happen to be remodeling her son's room, so when I first got here, I spent 48 hours in the house. Their backyard is pretty heavenly but it rains a lot here, so there's that.
However, I got to see Nantes this weekend. Mignon.
Tomorrow, I'm going to try to make it out to Mont Saint-Michel, though it's a bit far. I think it's worth it!
Thursday, I am coming home, and no, I'm not even thinking about how I don't have an apartment or a job or money, no I'm not thinking about it.
See you when I see you!
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hell yes it's a baby [Jul. 6th, 2009|07:00 am]
[Current Mood |boredbored]

my nephie, 6.5 months old: (current)

and randomly, having nothing to do with anything:
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(no subject) [Jul. 3rd, 2009|10:25 am]
[Current Mood |sicksick]

i just discovered superpoop.com.

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Why I Suck Sometimes [Jun. 30th, 2009|01:07 am]
I forgot gina's birthday post!

Honeybunch, I'm so happy you've made it to this point in your life, because I could not be prouder to call you my friend. You've saved me from crippling shittiness so many times in the last eight years, and I aspire to be as strong, kind and generous as you are. You are made of awesome, so for your birthday, I did a google image search for "made of awesome" and picked a few random images.

I love you, happy belated birthday!
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