Home

Advertisement

lolagoo [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
lolagoo

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

(no subject) [Nov. 16th, 2009|11:06 pm]
[Current Mood | nostalgic]

birthday wishes:

a sense of community
bursts of creativity
courage
courage
courage
love
warmth
a violin that magically fixes itself and a viola that magically appears next to it
singin in a band
playin in a band
confidence
success in school
camping
a boyfriend to go camping with
a girlfriend to have sex with
a glance into the future
instantaneous fluency on the uke
paris
paris
paris
new york city
acceptance of the constantly changing ground i stand on
Link2 comments|Leave a comment

(no subject) [Oct. 5th, 2009|11:02 am]
Forget everything I said about Roman Polanski. This isn't even about his victim making a public dismissal anymore. Yes, the judge was an asshole and acted really unethically, but what it comes down to is that he FLED for thirty years. I'm not sure if that allows him to be protected from judgement. It has also just come to my attention that when in France, he was caught sodomizing 15 year old girls.
LinkLeave a comment

(no subject) [Sep. 28th, 2009|06:49 pm]
[Current Mood | come on]

Roman Polanski: US, you are retarded. Do we not have better things to do? The matter has been defunct for longer than I've been alive. The judge is long dead. The documentary has been made. Homegirl gave him a public apology. No, we have to prove our point. The French are amoral! Everyone must know! Oh, puke.
LinkLeave a comment

(no subject) [Aug. 11th, 2009|07:24 pm]
[Current Mood | anxious]

I'm thinking of writing a book. My brother is writing one, and this makes me want to spring into action, because historically, Haykinsons don't complete extracurricular projects. Oh wait, except for my brother. Still. It's going to be an autobiographical fiction, but that's all I can say, because the more you talk about something that you haven't created yet, the more pressure there is to create it exactly so, when the truth is, tomorrow it might be a dark comedy.

I'm thinking of writing a book because all else in my life is so uncertain, so I might as well throw some more uncertainty into the mix, except that it will be of my own doing, and completely under my control. Control feels good in times like these when one does not have a job or the slightest prospect of one. There is also much self-created stress in my life, because I'm afraid to let go of some deep unhappiness, which is always my Way. To be less harsh, it's most people's Way.
I've been doing more reading than usual, which is a joy of unemployment, and it's been great. If you have the means, I highly recommend it. Please read Hard Boiled Wonderland And the End of the World and Everything Is Illuminated.
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

(no subject) [Jul. 28th, 2009|12:41 pm]
oh, right, so. i went to europe: http://www.flickr.com/photos/lolagoo/
Link5 comments|Leave a comment

tomorrow's flight [Jul. 8th, 2009|04:26 am]
it is such a shame to throw out my good amsterdam pot.
Link3 comments|Leave a comment

why i'm leaving europe [Jul. 6th, 2009|07:04 am]
#1 I'm running out of money.
#2 I am not one of those people who handles change well. Therefore, when my WWOOF situation fell apart, I was unable to shrug it off find a way to book sold out trains, sleep on people's couches, and travel with no plan, and no money.

The WWOOF thing fell apart partly because I romanticized it and didn't ask the right questions, like specifically how many hours I would be expected to work. Instead, I relied on what was written on the WWOOF website and hearsay from friends who had done it. If I had known I was to work 50 hours a week, I obviously wouldn't have done it. I also blame my host family for completely misleading volunteers. Their description of themselves on WWOOF and their website lead one to believe that there is waaaay more free time than there actually was. The website never mentioned that I wouldn't be living where I was working, that my home was 45 minutes away by bike to my work, or that my day off would be non-consecutive. Or that I wouldn't have a place to put my clothes, or a closing door. Etc.
What makes me most mad is how they are exploiting the Bulgarians. The Bulgarians are three immigrants who want to live in the Netherlands permanently. Two are a couple. They are not volunteers, yet they get paid 600/month between the three of them, and are therefore forced to live in the house (and subjected to after-hours toilet scrubbing/dish washing) because they obviously can't get the money together for a security deposit on an apartment in Amsterdam. This - is bullshit. But, I guess they have six more months of this crap before they get legal status and are able to work somewhere else. Poor peeps.

Thank god for Caroline. She's a fellow volunteer from CA who got swept up like I did, and immediately regretted her decision. She ended up leaving a few days earlier than I did, and went to Wimbledon. Luckily, I escaped and stayed in Amsterdam for a while, that plus Paris in the beginning of my trip are the best memories I will have.
Holland is quite beautiful though. It's fuckin flat, seeing as it's below sea level. I've never seen so much flatness in my life, because I've never been to Kansas or anywhere. And it's GREEN. And there's so many COWS. Car dealership on the left, 10 lazy cows on the right. But I think what I loved best about you, Holland, is your woods. I haven't seen untouched woods like yours since Russia. And I biked through them, though I was all kinds of surly because at 7am the last thing you want to do is bike 4 miles.
I was also really appreciative of the biking culture. It didn't matter how old you were or how fancy you looked; you rode a bike, and you got right of way in all of Holland. Train stations are a veritable forest of parked bikes...from far away they look like thousands of glittering insect exoskeletons, quite eery. I may have been the only person who walked anywhere.
I must say, the women in Holland are beautiful. I don't mean Los Angeles beautiful, all made up and fashionable and tan. They are my kind of beautiful, and I don't know how to describe it to you. They weren't Dutch milkmaids, who I'm not that into, they were European paintings. Not to be outdone, French women have their own brand of beauty, but I think I fell in love every day in Holland. There goes my wife....oh, she's with someone else.

I want to come home, because my current situation is a lot of waiting around. My mom's former friend (I mean former because my mom's dead, not because they had a falling out) lives about 30 minutes outside of Nantes, like Topanga to us, but this is the French countryside, baybee! It's unbelievably beautiful. Unfortunately, I can't go into the city by myself because there are no buses out here, and I don't drive stickshift (no automatics in France), not that they even have a car to lend me. So...I'm kinda dependent on her, and they happen to be remodeling her son's room, so when I first got here, I spent 48 hours in the house. Their backyard is pretty heavenly but it rains a lot here, so there's that.
However, I got to see Nantes this weekend. Mignon.
Tomorrow, I'm going to try to make it out to Mont Saint-Michel, though it's a bit far. I think it's worth it!
Thursday, I am coming home, and no, I'm not even thinking about how I don't have an apartment or a job or money, no I'm not thinking about it.
See you when I see you!
Link4 comments|Leave a comment

hell yes it's a baby [Jul. 6th, 2009|07:00 am]
[Current Mood | bored]

my nephie, 6.5 months old: (current)


and randomly, having nothing to do with anything:
LinkLeave a comment

(no subject) [Jul. 3rd, 2009|10:25 am]
[Current Mood | sick]

i just discovered superpoop.com.




LinkLeave a comment

Why I Suck Sometimes [Jun. 30th, 2009|01:07 am]
I forgot [info]gina's birthday post!

Honeybunch, I'm so happy you've made it to this point in your life, because I could not be prouder to call you my friend. You've saved me from crippling shittiness so many times in the last eight years, and I aspire to be as strong, kind and generous as you are. You are made of awesome, so for your birthday, I did a google image search for "made of awesome" and picked a few random images.






I love you, happy belated birthday!
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

(no subject) [Jun. 29th, 2009|03:08 am]
[Current Location |alkmaar]
[Current Mood | sick]

i'm leaving here because i can't work 50 hrs/week. because i don't have a place to put my clothes. because they pay the bulgarians 600/month combined and still make them scrub the toilets after working hours. oh, and because when i mentioned that my grandmother had had quadruple bypass surgery before i left la, she's all, 'well that's what happens when people don't eat right their whole lives'.
i hate condescending foodies. i seriously have been eating like shit every time i'm in amsterdam just to spite them because i'm so mature. and because dutch pancakes and belgian fries and amazing falafel should be eaten by me.

so i'm spending two nights in the dam, and on wednesday i'm taking the train into brittany (western france) to see a family friend. booking european vacations for the summer works well six months in advance, but when plans change and you need to rearrange shit, it is not happening. i can barely find any trains or hostels. i really want to go to bruges and brussels, but i may not be able to book anything. it's crazy touristy right now. so we'll see. i may be home soon.
amdam is amazing. i'll never be a country mouse because of cities like this. there's so much trashiness contrasted with pretty dutch flowers i can't take it. i'll tell more later, in pictures. maybe, i'm kind of lazy.
Link3 comments|Leave a comment

But who will run the frog hospital while I'm gone? [Jun. 11th, 2009|01:08 am]
[Current Mood | loved]

I had incredibly rich decadent food tonight and promptly felt sick.
I might as well not have studied for that final.
In a few days I'll be sleeping in Paris.
How do you say, "I suck at French"?
I've lived here for almost two years.
It's been lonely, I won't lie.
I'll miss my little cottage.
My friends love me.
More to pack.
I'm anxious.
No.
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

rambling thoughts should be studying what's that a toy i'm hungry. [Jun. 9th, 2009|09:21 pm]
[Current Mood |awake]

I realize now that I am an agnostic, not meaning, "I haven't chosen a religion yet" which is the generic definition, but that I have accepted that I cannot prove or disprove the existence of a god or gods. That being said, I also cannot disprove that there is not a bigfoot, or loch ness, or giant singing purple dinosaur. If that sounds condescending, then so be it.
There is one thing I believe, and it's definitely a belief, because it's a hypothesis. It is that human beings have the mental capacity for thinking abstractly, and we are the only creatures so far who are known to question our own existence, so a god or gods is a natural explanation for complex thoughts that may never have any scientific support.
I dunno. There's no doctrine for atheism, other than, "live by the Golden Rule", but maybe there isn't one because they've been so persecuted against in a country so young and naive that it thinks the only way to prosper is to have everyone believe in exactly the same things. Every other theistic belief started out horribly ridiculed, maybe it will take some time for atheists to find acceptance and form their own "church", so to speak. I've researched this, and believe me, there are plenty of atheists in this country who want to form alliances in order to swap opinions about their moral codes.

Not that this is a pending concern at all, but I wonder how I will raise my kids. I mean, I will of course raise them as free thinkers and encourage them to question and learn everything they want to, but I'm wondering more about traditions like Christmas and Hanukkah, etc. Of course, if my Dad has anything to do with it, my children will be attending all the important Jewish holidays, and that's okay with me, but then it raises the question of why Mommy doesn't believe, and what should we believe? It's tough being a fake mother.
As far as raising children, I can see that religion adds structure that can sometimes be lacking otherwise. Going to church, bible study, events, Hebrew School, whatever, these are (minus the religious education) safe social activities children engage in. As an agnostic, would I make sure my kids participated in community type things in order to fill the void of that kind of structure? There definitely are plenty of other options. Sports, volunteer stuff, music, etc....
This doesn't matter right now anyway. First, I need a boyfriend. Then sperm, then children, then these discussions.

One more thing: I AM SO FUCKING GLAD CREATIONISTS CAN'T SAY WE AREN'T RELATED TO CHIMPS ANYMORE NOW THERE IS PROOF ON OUR #2 CHROMOSOME PPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTT HAHA.
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

um..."tweets". [Jun. 8th, 2009|01:41 pm]
[Current Location |rumor mill]
[Current Mood | stressed]
[Current Music |ian & sylvia 90X90 the sexiest song i've ever heard]

i'm going to fail this final.
pretty girls intimidate me.

in a few days, i'm supposed to 'relax' in paris. all the customer service reps i talk to about my health insurance or for using my debit card overseas, or canceling my internet, are all like WOW HAVE A BLAST. they're excited. it's kinda cool.

oh, i'm also moving and i want to live in silverlake when i get back! whose neighbor will i be?


i am biologically unable to relax. really.
Link2 comments|Leave a comment

(no subject) [Jun. 6th, 2009|10:24 pm]
[Current Mood | stressed]

http://www.jesusdressup.com/number2.html
Link2 comments|Leave a comment

It's been a while [Mar. 26th, 2009|10:22 am]
[Current Mood | mellow]

I have questions for you morning people: How do you do it? If I happen to wake up feeling awake before noon (assuming I don't have anywhere to go before then), I want to stay in bed anyway because it's so NICE and WARM and COMFY. How do you get out of bed if you don't have anywhere to be? I so badly want to get up at 8am and make a smoothie and do 6 sun salutations. It's just not me, I suppose. My inner morning person is always asleep. The only reason I'm awake now (and still in bed mind you) is because I went to bed at 10pm with a headache. I think 12 hours is enough.

What else? Well, I'm an artist who doesn't make art. I have my mom's camera now, it's mine, for good, and I'm too intimidated by its many buttons to really get into it and figure out how to work it manually.

I'm very frustrated with my math professor, because he is unsympathetic to those of us with math anxiety. It is unfair and wrong to assume we don't know the material well enough because we are too lazy to study. I hate his face.
Biology is difficult, but I guess I'm keeping up. I'm cutting back on work, or, er, it's cutting back on me, so I have more time to study, if I decide to use it.

Tot club is dying. They haven't found a new place (landlord is kicking them out for being behind on rent), and they're out in two weeks. I still have a job when they do find a new place, because they like me, or my loyalty, I guess. As of now, I'm down to two days work, which equals out to 5 hours. Verr sad. Babysitting supplements my income, but barely.

This is boring.


I want to be in Holland now. I have a feeling I will be getting up with the sun when I'm working there. That, plus eating the no doubt ridiculously healthy food the family makes will make me a lean, tan, morning person when I come back, no?
Probably not. I like being curvy and white. I like staying in bed through the morning. Seeing as I'll be working in Amsterdam once a week, and staying there most days off, I'll probably come back stoned from all the cumulative smoking.
Link2 comments|Leave a comment

(no subject) [Mar. 2nd, 2009|12:26 pm]
[Current Mood | nervous about test]

I have a math test in half an hour, which means I have to leave for it in five minutes BUT I need to tell LJ that I had a marvelous weekend, which included the best house party I've ever been to (three miles up in the canyons!), a new friend, and a private concert from a new folk singer (Willie Nelson's son!) who will undoubtedly be famous in a year and you will be jealous I heard him first.
I need more weekends like that. I wouldn't have even heard of this party if I hadn't gone to an art show, so I need to do more of that, too. As should you. With me.
Only downer was completely spacing about a friend commitment I made, which is so unlike me. I'm sorry! I still feel bad.
My weeks are getting very busy, and somehow I still find time to think. I hope the other shoe doesn't drop, because juggling Bio and Math and babysitting and Tot Club and my new essersize plan and social life and family and planning for Europe is...


One more thing: I inherited my mom's Nikon D70, finally, so if you know fuckall about cameras and/or want to take a picture hike around LA with me, please please comment here.
Link3 comments|Leave a comment

(no subject) [Feb. 23rd, 2009|01:38 pm]
[Current Mood | grumpy]

I am a nice person and I have been nothing but firmly polite to the gentleman who keeps calling me after only meeting me one time. I have told him I have no time for dating, for friendship, anything. I'm not interested or available. But now, after a month, I want to pick up the phone and say, "HEY FREAKO! GET AWAY! AWAY!"
Mean, mean me!


I slept through my first class today because I was having a lesbian dream, and it turns out I was two points away from getting a B in my online class last semester, had I not been so lazy scared of school. I got GREAT grades on the stuff I did do, though! *SIGH*

It's the kind of day where I struggle to be patient.
LinkLeave a comment

(no subject) [Feb. 22nd, 2009|10:42 pm]
[Current Mood | distressed]

I'm feeling pretty blue and sorry for myself and I'm worried my personal life is going to get in the way of my studies again.
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

(no subject) [Feb. 9th, 2009|07:15 pm]
[Current Mood | enthralled]



the dumb one is all 'let's keep fighting. we're foxes', and the smart one is all 'dude. i've discovered some shit. i'm bringing fire to the people.' and the dumb one is all 'but this is instinctual for me. i can't learn.'
fuckin' foxes.
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]

Advertisement