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(no subject) [Jun. 29th, 2009|03:08 am]
[Current Location |alkmaar]
[Current Mood |sicksick]

i'm leaving here because i can't work 50 hrs/week. because i don't have a place to put my clothes. because they pay the bulgarians 600/month combined and still make them scrub the toilets after working hours. oh, and because when i mentioned that my grandmother had had quadruple bypass surgery before i left la, she's all, 'well that's what happens when people don't eat right their whole lives'.
i hate condescending foodies. i seriously have been eating like shit every time i'm in amsterdam just to spite them because i'm so mature. and because dutch pancakes and belgian fries and amazing falafel should be eaten by me.

so i'm spending two nights in the dam, and on wednesday i'm taking the train into brittany (western france) to see a family friend. booking european vacations for the summer works well six months in advance, but when plans change and you need to rearrange shit, it is not happening. i can barely find any trains or hostels. i really want to go to bruges and brussels, but i may not be able to book anything. it's crazy touristy right now. so we'll see. i may be home soon.
amdam is amazing. i'll never be a country mouse because of cities like this. there's so much trashiness contrasted with pretty dutch flowers i can't take it. i'll tell more later, in pictures. maybe, i'm kind of lazy.
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But who will run the frog hospital while I'm gone? [Jun. 11th, 2009|01:08 am]
[Current Mood |lovedloved]

I had incredibly rich decadent food tonight and promptly felt sick.
I might as well not have studied for that final.
In a few days I'll be sleeping in Paris.
How do you say, "I suck at French"?
I've lived here for almost two years.
It's been lonely, I won't lie.
I'll miss my little cottage.
My friends love me.
More to pack.
I'm anxious.
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rambling thoughts should be studying what's that a toy i'm hungry. [Jun. 9th, 2009|09:21 pm]
[Current Mood |awake]

I realize now that I am an agnostic, not meaning, "I haven't chosen a religion yet" which is the generic definition, but that I have accepted that I cannot prove or disprove the existence of a god or gods. That being said, I also cannot disprove that there is not a bigfoot, or loch ness, or giant singing purple dinosaur. If that sounds condescending, then so be it.
There is one thing I believe, and it's definitely a belief, because it's a hypothesis. It is that human beings have the mental capacity for thinking abstractly, and we are the only creatures so far who are known to question our own existence, so a god or gods is a natural explanation for complex thoughts that may never have any scientific support.
I dunno. There's no doctrine for atheism, other than, "live by the Golden Rule", but maybe there isn't one because they've been so persecuted against in a country so young and naive that it thinks the only way to prosper is to have everyone believe in exactly the same things. Every other theistic belief started out horribly ridiculed, maybe it will take some time for atheists to find acceptance and form their own "church", so to speak. I've researched this, and believe me, there are plenty of atheists in this country who want to form alliances in order to swap opinions about their moral codes.

Not that this is a pending concern at all, but I wonder how I will raise my kids. I mean, I will of course raise them as free thinkers and encourage them to question and learn everything they want to, but I'm wondering more about traditions like Christmas and Hanukkah, etc. Of course, if my Dad has anything to do with it, my children will be attending all the important Jewish holidays, and that's okay with me, but then it raises the question of why Mommy doesn't believe, and what should we believe? It's tough being a fake mother.
As far as raising children, I can see that religion adds structure that can sometimes be lacking otherwise. Going to church, bible study, events, Hebrew School, whatever, these are (minus the religious education) safe social activities children engage in. As an agnostic, would I make sure my kids participated in community type things in order to fill the void of that kind of structure? There definitely are plenty of other options. Sports, volunteer stuff, music, etc....
This doesn't matter right now anyway. First, I need a boyfriend. Then sperm, then children, then these discussions.

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um..."tweets". [Jun. 8th, 2009|01:41 pm]
[Current Location |rumor mill]
[Current Mood |stressedstressed]
[Current Music |ian & sylvia 90X90 the sexiest song i've ever heard]

i'm going to fail this final.
pretty girls intimidate me.

in a few days, i'm supposed to 'relax' in paris. all the customer service reps i talk to about my health insurance or for using my debit card overseas, or canceling my internet, are all like WOW HAVE A BLAST. they're excited. it's kinda cool.

oh, i'm also moving and i want to live in silverlake when i get back! whose neighbor will i be?

i am biologically unable to relax. really.
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(no subject) [Jun. 6th, 2009|10:24 pm]
[Current Mood |stressedstressed]

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It's been a while [Mar. 26th, 2009|10:22 am]
[Current Mood |mellowmellow]

I have questions for you morning people: How do you do it? If I happen to wake up feeling awake before noon (assuming I don't have anywhere to go before then), I want to stay in bed anyway because it's so NICE and WARM and COMFY. How do you get out of bed if you don't have anywhere to be? I so badly want to get up at 8am and make a smoothie and do 6 sun salutations. It's just not me, I suppose. My inner morning person is always asleep. The only reason I'm awake now (and still in bed mind you) is because I went to bed at 10pm with a headache. I think 12 hours is enough.

What else? Well, I'm an artist who doesn't make art. I have my mom's camera now, it's mine, for good, and I'm too intimidated by its many buttons to really get into it and figure out how to work it manually.

I'm very frustrated with my math professor, because he is unsympathetic to those of us with math anxiety. It is unfair and wrong to assume we don't know the material well enough because we are too lazy to study. I hate his face.
Biology is difficult, but I guess I'm keeping up. I'm cutting back on work, or, er, it's cutting back on me, so I have more time to study, if I decide to use it.

Tot club is dying. They haven't found a new place (landlord is kicking them out for being behind on rent), and they're out in two weeks. I still have a job when they do find a new place, because they like me, or my loyalty, I guess. As of now, I'm down to two days work, which equals out to 5 hours. Verr sad. Babysitting supplements my income, but barely.

This is boring.

I want to be in Holland now. I have a feeling I will be getting up with the sun when I'm working there. That, plus eating the no doubt ridiculously healthy food the family makes will make me a lean, tan, morning person when I come back, no?
Probably not. I like being curvy and white. I like staying in bed through the morning. Seeing as I'll be working in Amsterdam once a week, and staying there most days off, I'll probably come back stoned from all the cumulative smoking.
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(no subject) [Mar. 2nd, 2009|12:26 pm]
[Current Mood |nervousnervous about test]

I have a math test in half an hour, which means I have to leave for it in five minutes BUT I need to tell LJ that I had a marvelous weekend, which included the best house party I've ever been to (three miles up in the canyons!), a new friend, and a private concert from a new folk singer (Willie Nelson's son!) who will undoubtedly be famous in a year and you will be jealous I heard him first.
I need more weekends like that. I wouldn't have even heard of this party if I hadn't gone to an art show, so I need to do more of that, too. As should you. With me.
Only downer was completely spacing about a friend commitment I made, which is so unlike me. I'm sorry! I still feel bad.
My weeks are getting very busy, and somehow I still find time to think. I hope the other shoe doesn't drop, because juggling Bio and Math and babysitting and Tot Club and my new essersize plan and social life and family and planning for Europe is...

One more thing: I inherited my mom's Nikon D70, finally, so if you know fuckall about cameras and/or want to take a picture hike around LA with me, please please comment here.
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(no subject) [Feb. 23rd, 2009|01:38 pm]
[Current Mood |grumpygrumpy]

I am a nice person and I have been nothing but firmly polite to the gentleman who keeps calling me after only meeting me one time. I have told him I have no time for dating, for friendship, anything. I'm not interested or available. But now, after a month, I want to pick up the phone and say, "HEY FREAKO! GET AWAY! AWAY!"
Mean, mean me!

I slept through my first class today because I was having a lesbian dream, and it turns out I was two points away from getting a B in my online class last semester, had I not been so lazy scared of school. I got GREAT grades on the stuff I did do, though! *SIGH*

It's the kind of day where I struggle to be patient.
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(no subject) [Feb. 22nd, 2009|10:42 pm]
[Current Mood |distresseddistressed]

I'm feeling pretty blue and sorry for myself and I'm worried my personal life is going to get in the way of my studies again.
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(no subject) [Feb. 9th, 2009|07:15 pm]
[Current Mood |enthralledenthralled]

the dumb one is all 'let's keep fighting. we're foxes', and the smart one is all 'dude. i've discovered some shit. i'm bringing fire to the people.' and the dumb one is all 'but this is instinctual for me. i can't learn.'
fuckin' foxes.
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